I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
