So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
time to smoke my breakfast
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
