On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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