Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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