i just had sex bonerless
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
