Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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