Kiss
Puke
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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