dude i'm inner monologue high
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
