i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
