I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
