things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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