I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
