Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
