ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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