omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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