no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
