both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
