he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Terrible idea I love it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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