My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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