I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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