hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
