East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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