just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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