first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
