Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
