I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
