great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
