She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
