Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
