He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
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I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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