only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
