I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
