Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am available for nakedness
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
