break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
