All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you didnt know i had herpes?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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