Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this is an emotional support booty call
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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