Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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