Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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