Umm I'm too high to move.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
