That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
