If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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