you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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