i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
