please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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