My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
