I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
