you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
