just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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