Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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