My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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