Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
