Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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