I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize