I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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