a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
