ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
