Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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