I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
