from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
