I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So many bounce houses so little time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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