I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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