yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
