seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
