NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
