I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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