so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Welp...herpes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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