Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
