I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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