respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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