I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
