As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
