You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
