Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
