OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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