normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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